All for one and one for all!

For a long time I have not seen a better story than the one depicted by a cartoon appearing in the daily newspaper Danas. Everyone dressed in medieval attire with their swords in their hands, ready for battle. Over their robes are aprons covered with stars of the European Union. In the first picture, the handsome figure of Boris Tadic. He is saying ALL FOR ONE! In the second, Tadic is surrounded by Ceda Jovanovic, Vuk Draskovic and another guy. All have their swords crossed and Tadic is promising ONE FOR ALL!

A true image of the pro-European politics in Serbia. An agreement has been made to win the election so that everyone, absolutely everyone, is again a part of the ruling establishment. A pro-European establishment, one that operates in the most modern fashion: through BlackBerry SMS messages. So how will this be accomplished? Some will form a pre-election coalition with Tadic, for example Canak, Ljajic and some others, so to provide support from the inside; others will pretend to be independent Horsemen of the Apocalypse, that will defend his European back from outside. An agreement builds a house and is also money worth. Those voters unhappy with the Democratic Party (DP) will turn to smaller parties – a revolutionary move(ment)-Reversal, so to get back at Boris Tadic. Oh you gullible compatriots! Pro-Europeans would not be pro-Europeans, without being able to figure this one out. Because, this is where the catch lies: smaller parties collecting the votes for the larger ones. Here comes Danica as the head of the Security Institute.

And don’t forget – the fiercest competition is among the Small. Why? Because the proportional electoral system (the whole country, city, municipality is one electoral unit) was created for the rule of the oligarchs (partocrats and tycoons) and can not exist without neither small or large parties – this is why everyone defends it. In such a system, elections can’t be won if the Large do not control the Small, that is to say, all of the political rhetoric, and in this way the complete political spectrum. Such rhetoric resembles a miniature portfolio without which the post-election majority is not possible. My portfolio is Draza and the Chetniks, their rehabilitation as the “second anti-fascist movement”, and the fact that king’s “citizens” would have been in Europe a long time ago if it wasn’t for the remnants of communism. Okay, well, you seem to be a little retro, because my portfolio has liberalism, super-Europeanism, anti-nationalism, partisan type anti-fascism, reversal of values for the benefit of (especially my) wife and children and a fierce “criticism” of slow-pokes such as the DP. Because our Zoran was better, and we are his and he is ours. Well, Dacic said, I am a socialist and I love social-democrats – both Rasim and Zarko, but also Kosovo and Mrka, and will not say anything bad about my former leader, so in my portfolio there is mutual respect for Europe, and social benefits, and pensioners, and Milosevic and Kosovo. And finally, there are also those who are skillful in everything, and, albeit a bit unpopular with the leader because they overdid themselves, they seem as they will survive. They found a magic formula that allows them to be in power and in opposition all at the same time, and were able to apply it throughout the regions. But, Dinkic will be Dinkic, being a specialist in making a small party a part of big government, he will find his way out of the bottomless pit he ended up in as a result of clumsy political tactics.

So this is how it’s done. The Pivotal party is not doing well, and without it, the smaller parties can not become a part of the ruling establishment, while without the small parties, the Pivotal being of Boris can not form a majority. So a far-reaching plan is developed, first with the favourites, and then with everyone else: ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL. The smaller parties organized themselves into a movement-Reversal, led by individuals not belonging to any party, so to make-pretend a conflict between the Small and the Large. But why? So to lure people to vote for the Small, that will, as they say, help Boris Tadic and the Pivotal party. How? By selling their votes to Tadic. The price is huge, but nothing can be done about it. Of course, the ultimate reason is completely altruistic, they are doing it because of Europe. That is why they have, as they say, organized themselves into a movement-Reversal. If we only did not live in Serbia and did not know what’s coming up next, everything would be fine and rosy. What will follow, unfortunately, is a lot of cash! So don’t ask anything, and don’t dare write some nonsense or lies about the small parties; writing anything about the large party is already out of the question. They control the media. We voted for that. They might write something about the smaller parties, if they become too cheeky, but just to make them behave.

Kudos to you honourable Serbian men, you’ve designed it well. Tadic is an optimist and asks that we be optimistic as well. Wherever you look – his troops. Vote well, he says, you have a choice: vote for my European coalition that fancies both Europe and Kosovo, but if you have a grudge against it, then vote for that European anti-nationalist movement-Reversal, which likes only Europe but not Kosovo. That is a good choice as well, because Kosovo and Europe, together or separately, it doesn’t matter, everything will ultimately end up in the same pockets.

So when one looks more closely, Alexander and Toma don’t stand a chance. They just haven’t been informed. Where are their small parties worth in gold? Do they really believe that they can win a majority on their own, which is forbidden here, and completely unachievable. For what remains of the small right-wing parties, they better not even think about that, as they would destroy even Milosevic himself, who, incidentally, was the first one to start this masquerade. Just remember the New Democracy that, supported by Draskovic, provided Milosevic with a majority that terrible year of 1994. And then they just replicated the model, and created JUL, courted the Radical Party, and then Draskovic, only to again come back to the Radical Party. If only presidential elections were to be held first, Toma and Aca would have some hope, but this order is just not in their favour. They were offered a swap, let the leader win the presidential election and we’ll join forces for the parliamentary elections, but the agreement seems to have gone sour.

And they don’t even have their own program, says Ms. Trivan, they just have ours, and the level of corruption always remains the same, so why should they be scamming people, who have undoubtedly made mistakes since they have both a lousy government and the opposition, when we can do it again. Because it is always better when it’s done by the party in power. So please, said Tadic, who dares to say that ballots should be voided? Shame on them and what is that nonsense. No one in the whole world has that many choices. The first choice – both Kosovo and Europe, the second – Europe without Kosovo, the third – Kosovo without Europe, and the fourth – neither Kosovo nor Europe. And now for some madmen this is not enough. Our government is perfect, because it has everything: a European revolutionary wing (movement-Reversal), the European nostalgia for Milosevic (SPS-PUPS and United Serbia), and if for some reason all these fail, there are always the professional regionalists of Dinkic, who we provided with so much money so they can survive and empty the budget. Vote for our European revolution, for our democratic and peaceful means, the nostalgia for the nineties, the experts and their regions, for the pensioners who will chew meat with their remaining third tooth, for Jagodina, that promised land where there are no gays. You will ultimately have a great time. We will all be at the same ball, the biggest masquerade of all time.

And I don’t want to hear anyone talking pessimistically. There is no rhetoric that has not been well covered off. There is no room for innovations, and no money. To hell with you all!

Peščanik.net, 08.11.2011.