Serbia on spring break

Although spring break in schools (conveniently) starts on the day of the second round of the presidential elections, all other state institutions went on break on the day the elections were announced.

First, the parliament was dismissed, which was completely justified. Not because they were trying to prevent the parliament from undermining its own dignity – as was successfully demonstrated by the radicals to the EU representative – but because they were trying to prevent an undermining of the stability of the parliament. And no, it wouldn’t be undermined by the opposition MPs, as insinuated, but by MPs of the ruling coalition by their absence from work, because, since the campaign started, their full-time jobs became promoting the prime minister. Which means that only opposition MPs would remain in the parliament, and who knows what damage they could do. They may even certify the Ombudsman’s resignation and prevent the president of the parliament from maliciously repudiating his presidential candidacy.

The prime minister used the same logic when he promised to engage in a presidential campaign only in his free time (although, he also promised not to run) and then secured this free time by dismissing the government. How else could we explain the fact that the ministers use their official cars to attend campaign rallies every day? Since we know that none of them, especially their leader, would ever misuse their positions, it’s safe to assume that they no longer act as ministers. Just like the mayor of Belgrade clearly no longer holds that office, because if he did, we would certainly not be applauding from the first row at a rally, but instead ordering the removal of new year decorations (his failure to do so has already become a crime against the city budget).

However, the government didn’t only dismiss itself. It also dismissed a concert by a singer who dared to support the opposition candidate and an award to a writer who also supported the same candidate. But, since the government is not omnipotent as it would have us believe and it can’t dismiss everything and everyone individually, it started dismissing en masse. Anyone who doesn’t tear up at the sound of the prime minister’s name is to be proclaimed a fake intellectual! Why fake? Doesn’t an intellectual imply social activism by definition? And they certainly are active – if they weren’t, they wouldn’t get on the prime minister’s nerves so much. Maybe he meant that their education is fake? That their degrees are bought and their doctorates plagiarized? But, why would the prime minister blame them for this when he blame didn’t his own men?

Anyhow, all that’s left for the government is to dismiss the elections and prevent these new divisions in our society about the candidates. Because these divisions will hurt our current prosperity, a prosperity unprecedented not only “in the whole of Serbian history” – but also in the last five years.

Translated by Marijana Simic

Peščanik.net, 11.03.2017.