If you believe the president, and keeping in mind that that is something you always do at your own risk, there are “currently” 6,995,808 inhabitants in Serbia. If you trust him and the country “loses” 107 people every day, on Monday, when you read this article, there should be 6,995,594 of us. If there is no article on Monday, then that means there are 6,995,593 of you.
If the state really knew exactly how many people it “currently” has, it would be good news. A little bit scary, but good considering it does not know how many employees it has, let alone where its borders are. However, can we trust the figures presented? Especially when the president, in the same address to the nation (as his usual appearance in front of the cameras was named) says of himself that he “was elected with the greatest support, I would say, in contemporary Serbian history”? Especially when we know that the previous Serbian president, Tomislav Nikolic, lost in the second round of the presidential election in 2008 with more votes (2,197,155) than were received by the incumbent president Aleksandar Vucic in 2017 in the first round (2,012,788), which he won?
And, if the president gives inaccurate data about things that can be easily checked – how can we trust him on matters that are not available for verification? So, every year we suspect that even the electoral rolls have not been updated, and now suddenly the president knows the exact population numbers, and even knows exactly how they change on a daily basis? The very same president who, when he recommends us to so-called foreign investors, says that we have a surplus of labour (available for a small fee), but, at the same time, when he presents the results of economic growth to us, claims that unemployment has been so reduced that we will have to import workers, and that our salaries have never been higher?
Well, if he is so inclined towards creative mathematics, how many people are there, really, in Serbia? First of all, whatever the number is, it is a small number. That’s why the authorities have again announced a campaign of indecent name for increasing population growth and urged women, whom the president recently accused of only having children so they would get welfare checks and wouldn’t have to work, to give birth for money after all.
Secondly, whatever the number of the inhabitants of Serbia is, there will be exactly as many of us as the authorities need to succeed in that heralded referendum for resolving the Kosovo issue. And how much that is, will be calculated by simple, though creative mathematics. Since the authorities now, after so many elections, know exactly how many ballots they can count on, that figure, whatever it is, will be to guarantee 50% plus one vote, and everything else will be adapted to that number.
Translated by V.I.P. Daily News Report, 20.03.2018.
Nadežda Milenković, kreativna direktorka, školovala se da radi sa delinkventima, a završila kao „samohrana majka srpskog advertajzinga“. Smislila neke od najboljih slogana: „Ili jesi ili nisi“ (Lav pivo) , „Izgleda šašavo, ali mene leđa više ne bole“ (Kosmodisk), „Ako vam je dobro, onda ništa“ (Peščanik)... Radila u reklamnim agencijama: Mark-plan, Sači, Mekken, Komunis. Sve manje radi komercijalne kampanje i okreće se goodvertisingu. Na Fakultetu za medije i komunikacije vodila master kurs: Idejologija. Autorka bestseler knjige „Kako da najlakše upropastite rođeno dete“, dugogodišnje rubrike „Pun kufer marketinga“ u nedeljniku Vreme i kolumne ponedeljkom na portalu Peščanik.