Photo: Predrag Trokicic

Photo: Predrag Trokicic

We all have our own idea of what a spy looks like. He may not look like anything, he’s invisible, and moves like he doesn’t exist. He collects secrets which also don’t exist: what no one knows, no one can tell. Old-school spies are long gone into a romantic history of searching for the important, yet unknown. They were replaced by advanced electronics from which powerful analytical minds can pluck whatever information they desire. The only safe secret is one that isn’t known even to the person who created it.

What was it, then, that secret agent Aleksandar Vulin overheard in downtown Belgrade and passed on to the „high commander”? The commander, as a man who knows only what nobody needs, appeased the public: „We’ve arrested some foreigners, but it was nothing dangerous!”

Nothing dangerous? Then why did you arrest them? What was it that our masterminds discovered? The biggest secret would have to be what kind of defence minister and president Serbia has. But they are so shameful that they can’t be hidden.

And so the two Aleksandars, using their non-existent counter-intelligence skills, played secret agents and unexpectedly saved Serbia by arresting a couple of Americans and two Ukrainian women. As Vulin excitedly told us, the women performed their forbidden actions using a drone. But how? Where was the drone at the moment of their arrest? Did the spies hold it on a string, like a Chinese kite, or did it have a mind of its own and answered only to their seductive whistles? Or was the drone captured first and then they came to rescue it from the military police? Or did the police set an ambush by the drone after shooting it down?

The logic of this kind of „spying” is a complete mystery. What could these people film using the drone, or however they filmed it, if we’ve had completely precise images of all buildings of the former military headquarters for years? Vulin’s statement is an amateur attempt to let the public know that it can sleep peacefully. And the public is, indeed, asleep.

It seems that the SPP central mind thought that the spies would be a good amalgam and a proven tool for further establishment of party hegemony. Arrest a couple of meaningless businessmen working at the edge of the grey zone, chase out a couple of high-profile dealers until the election is over, announce at least one more showdown with Miskovic and Kosmajac, catch some wandering tourists and present them as spies working against national security. Arrest an American operative staying in Belgrade for a known reason – and you’ve got the nation on high alert.

But, what is the meaning of alert with people who never sleep? That is the model of deceit turned on at precisely the right moment: whatever one might say about their flaws – complete ignorance and criminal unscrupulousness – they still care about the nation’s safety.

In fact, we are constantly and justifiably anxious in front of these creatures who are trying to make themselves and us believe that their care is enough to make us feel safe. And only then do we realise that the spies are not the reason for our fear for survival, but these terrifying fools.

Instead of ending and hiding the whole affair of “activists’” aggression against the citizens of Belgrade, their president once again went on Milomir Maric’s TV show to defend the members of his sect. And once there, the president of Serbia disappears. Speaking ethically and politically, AV was never the president of a country, but the leader of a sect who acts like its guru; his whole performance comes down to trying to explain the emptiness to the believers who are mystified by it. But his attempt to present the „activists” who were part of the aggression against Belgrade as victims of captain Milan Vuksic is a blatant example of ugly and gross aesthetics misused in a constant public performance.

The „high commander” took a decent officer and a good man who did nothing to deserve it and publicly called him a scoundrel, although there isn’t a single bit of evidence that the captain even touched any of the “activists”. No traces, no injuries, nothing except lies. And who ever heard our president tell the truth? He’s not ashamed of his lies, because they are his whole biography.

In times gone by, an insulted captain would send his second to the bastard who offended him. I’m not suggesting that’s what the captain should do – this bastard isn’t even worthy of that.

The courage of the people who work at the military syndicate is admirable. They said that Vucic’s insulting remark was treacherous and an act of cowardice. This is what happens when a bastard calls an honourable officer a scoundrel!

Is it possible for the high commander to be a coward and a traitor to the army, which he claims is his?

It is completely possible! There is no fig leaf big enough to hide it. Captain Vuksic remained silent through all this. Both Vulin and Vucic publicly offended him. He could have spoken out and told them to go to hell. He could have, but he didn’t. Because, unlike the president, captain Vuksic is a gentleman.

Translated by Marijana Simic

Pešč, 05.03.2018.

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Ljubodrag Stojadinović (1947, Niš), gde se školovao do velike mature u gimnaziji „Svetozar Marković“. Studirao u Skoplju, i magistrirao na Institutu za sociološka i političko pravna istraživanja, odsek za masovne komunikacije i informisanje u globalnom društvu (Univerzitet Kiril i Metodi 1987). Završio visoke vojne škole i službovao u mnogim garnizonima bivše Jugoslavije, kao profesionalni oficir. Zbog javnog sukoba sa političkim i vojnim vrhom tadašnjeg oblika Jugoslavije, i radikalskim liderima i zbog delikta mišljenja – odlukom vojnodisciplinskog suda od 1. marta 1995. kažnjen gubitkom službe u činu pukovnika. Bio je komentator i urednik u Narodnoj Armiji, Ošišanom ježu, Glasu javnosti, NIN-u i Politici. Objavljivao priče i književne eseje u Beogradskom književnom časopisu, Poljima i Gradini. Dobitnik više novinarskih nagrada, i nagrada za književno stvaralaštvo, i učesnik u više književnih projekata. Nosilac je najvišeg srpskog odlikovanja za satiru, Zlatni jež. Zastupljen u više domaćih i stranih antologija kratkih i satiričnih priča. Prevođen na više jezika. Objavio: Klavir pun čvaraka, Nojev izbor, Više od igre (zbirke satiričnih priča); Muzej starih cokula (zbirka vojničkih priča); Film, Krivolak i Lakši oblik smrti (romani); Ratko Mladić: Između mita i Haga, Život posle kraja, General sunce (publicističke knjige); Jana na Zvezdari (priče za decu); Masovno komuniciranje, izvori i recipijenti dezinformacije u globalnom sistemu (zbirka tekstova o komunikacijama). Zastupljen u Enciklopediji Niša, tom za kulturu (književnost). Za Peščanik piše od 2016. godine. U decembru 2021. izbor tih tekstova je objavljen u knjizi „Oči slepog vođe“.

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